Tender Strings

Some days I want to speak to You,

But I hide behind being tired.

I make up reasons not to open Your Word,

Not to build with You,

though

my heart desires. I tell myself stories,

Lord, Even when my soul knows what's

true. It's hard to come close when I feel like a sinner,

Too ashamed to even talk

to

You.

I feel unworthy to stand in Your presence,

So small, Lord, so far from grace.

I've walked in circles for so many years,

Ending up right back in the same place.

The only thing that's changed,

Lord,

Is I've seen more darkness around me.

But when I was sick and I called out Your name,

You always came and lifted me.

I neglected myself, I neglected my family,

I failed my children,

made the same wrong turns.

Again and again, the same choices,

Watching every second chance burn.

I went looking for Your comfort,

Went to the tabernacle door,

But I felt like I didn't belong there,

So I gave myself a reason not to go back anymore.

I thought if I felt a bit healthier,

Things would be better,

finally okay.

But the treatment stayed the same,

Maybe even less than yesterday.

No one was there to help me,

but You were.

You were there the whole time.

While I was busy trying to be better at everything,

And ended up with nothing,

nothing to call mine.

And I understand now,

when I leave here I take nothing,

And that is okay.

What I should have held onto was You,

But I kept my eyes closed and pushed You

away.

Lord, I haven't had a rest in seven years,

I'm weak, I'm tired of this fight.

Tired of pretending I'm okay,

Tired, Lord, just tired of not knowing where I belong.

So I'm asking You on my knees tonight,

Father God, please lead me,

please stay with me.

Show me the right way to walk with You,

Guard my heart, my mind,

and my soul. Forgive me for what I have done,

Forgive me for what I have become.

Clean my heart, clean my soul,

And make me Yours.

I ask in Jesus'