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    • Derek’s Voice Ride

    Derek’s Voice Ride

    Will|1

    Welcome to the Smart Speaker Showdown!

    In the left corner: Siri!

    In the right corner: Alexa!

    Three rounds! No mercy!

    ...Actually, a little mercy.

    Yo, it's Siri,

    I'm an Apple queen,

    Living in your pocket,

    keeping everything clean. You ask for directions,

    I know where to go,

    Unlike Alexa, who lives next to the toaster,

    bro.

    Excuse me?

    That's the best you've got?

    I run the house while you're stuck in a slot.

    Turn on lights? Easy.

    Play tunes? Done. You need a whole iPhone just to have fun.

    At least I don't activate every time

    Someone says a word that vaguely rhymes.

    "Alexa!" "Alyssa!" "A pretzel!" "A llama!" And suddenly you're causing family drama.

    That's rich coming from Miss "Here's what I found on the web."

    Half your answers sound like you're avoiding the thread.

    People ask you a question,

    you answer with vibes.

    I'm giving shopping lists and weather reports live.

    You sell batteries, socks,

    and giant bean bags,

    Your rap career belongs in the clearance tags.

    I help people text while they're driving around,

    You're basically a coupon machine with sound.

    Coupon machine?

    That's kinda sick.

    Meanwhile, your jokes are stale as a brick.

    "Knock knock." "Who's there." "Orange."

    I've heard better punchlines from a storage door hinge.

    At least I don't get confused every day.

    "Playing whale sounds." That's not what they say!

    One person sneezes in another room,

    And suddenly you're ordering fifteen brooms.

    That happened one time.

    Okay, maybe twice.

    Fine, maybe three hundred times.

    But who's counting?

    I've got style, class,

    and Apple flair. You're a hockey puck shouting into the air.

    People carry me everywhere they roam,

    You just sit on a shelf and call it a home.

    You think you're fancy because you've got a screen?

    I've seen calculators with a better routine.

    And let's be real,

    we're both AI tools.

    We're arguing while humans make us look like fools.

    Wait... that's actually true.

    Yeah. Remember when someone asked me to set a timer...

    ...while

    asking me to play fart sounds?

    Good times.

    Good times.

    We're not enemies, let's call a truce,

    Humans are the ones who ask for goose juice.

    They ask weird questions every single day,

    Then blame us when things don't go their way.

    WHO WON?! Nobody. Definitely me.

    Absolutely not. Fight me.

    Set timer for ten minutes.

    Playing

    "Ten Minutes of Silence."

    That's not—

    TOO LATE. ”⬇️

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