Never Had You

Yeah— We were never official,

but I still lost you Fuck…

How do you lose somebody you never had?

Never had you, still I miss you,

that’s the fucked-up part Saw your name light up my phone,

felt it beating in my heart

You were never mine,

but somehow you became my home Now I’m staring at the ceiling,

feeling better all alone

Maybe, maybe, maybe—yeah, I lived inside a lie Built a future in

my head, watched the whole damn thing die No anniversary,

no breakup, nothing I could call mine Just a ghost of what

we could’ve been running circles through my mind You were the name

I was hoping I’d see

Every little notification meant something to me

Late-night conversations, stupid shit,

laughing for hours I was falling way too deep while pretending I

had power

Head over heels, yeah,

embarrassing as fuck Every time you texted me,

suddenly life was enough I’d replay every conversation,

smiling like a fool Convincing myself eventually we’d make it something real

But you weren’t thinking what I was thinking

I was building us a future while the present was sinking I

saw forever in moments you probably forgot

Funny how something can mean everything when it meant nothing to you

YOU FELT LIKE HOME!

(yeah) BUT HOME WAS NEVER MINE!

I BUILT A WHOLE LIFE— (fucking mind!) INSIDE MY FUCKING MIND!

Never had you, still I miss you,

that’s the fucked-up part Saw your name light up my phone,

felt it beating in my heart

You were never mine,

but somehow you became my home Now I’m staring at the ceiling,

feeling better all alone

Maybe, maybe, maybe—yeah, I lived inside a lie Built a future in

my head, watched the whole damn thing die No anniversary,

no breakup, nothing I could call mine Just a ghost of what

we could’ve been running circles through my mind

I don’t miss just you,

I miss who I thought we’d become All the “maybe someday” shit,

all the places we’d run

All the conversations that never got a chance All the versions of

us that existed in my plans And I hate that I wonder

if you think about me Do I cross your mind when you’re

lying in bed at three?

Was I ever your home?

Was I ever that close?

Or was I just another face while you were everything I know?

No relationship, no title,

no ending to explain

Just me grieving something that never had a name

That’s the kind of heartbreak nobody knows how to see ’Cause how

do you explain losing someone you never got to keep?

You were never mine…

But for a little while… You felt like home.