Tara’s Boot-Stompin’ Warning

Well, howdy, folks!

This is your friendly reminder from Extra Storage Now!

If you’ve got stuff in the hallway…

Tara’s got something to say.

There’s a mattress by the loading dock,

A shopping cart beside the lock,

Somebody’s parked a couch out in the lane,

And now we’re playin’ storage Tetris again.

You said you’d move it yesterday,

You said you’d be here right away,

But I’ve been checkin’ every hour—

And that old recliner’s still got power!

We’ve got rules, and we’ve got signs,

We’ve got office hours and closing times,

So if you hear these words today,

You know exactly what I’m gonna say…

Don’t make me come down there!

Tara’s got her boots on,

and she’s halfway down the stairs!

Move your stuff, clear the floor,

You can’t store your couch outside the door!

Don’t make me come down there!

I’ve got a clipboard and I’m not afraid to care!

We’re happy to help,

we’re glad you’re here— Just keep your junk out of the atmosphere!

No food, no gas,

no pets inside, No mystery buckets you forgot to hide,

And if your unit’s packed up to the roof,

That’s between you and your own old stuff.

You’ve got boxes marked “Kitchen”

and “Miscellaneous,” One says “Important,” one says “Ridiculous,”

You’ve got Christmas lights from ’93—

And a treadmill you swear

you’ll use eventually.

We’ve got locks, we’ve got gates,

We’ve got folks who show up late,

But if you leave a mess today,

You know exactly what I’m gonna say…

Don’t make me come down there!

Tara’s got her boots on,

and she’s halfway down the stairs!

Move your stuff, clear the floor,

You can’t store your couch outside the door!

Don’t make me come down there!

I’ve got a clipboard and I’m not afraid to care!

We’re happy to help,

we’re glad you’re here— Just keep your junk out of the atmosphere!

Now listen, y’all.

We love helping you store your stuff.

We really do.

But if I find one more mattress in the hallway…

I’m gonna have to put a little note on it.

Don’t make me come down there!

Tara’s got her boots on,

and she’s halfway down the stairs!

Put your boxes where they belong,

And we’ll all get along just fine before too long!

Don’t make me come down there!

We’ve got space for your stuff,

so please play fair!

Extra Storage Now!,

we’re happy you’re here— Just don’t leave your recliner in the gear!

And whoever left the shopping cart in Unit 37…

You know who you are.