Sold As Is
“Runs and drives,
real dependable.”
Then what’s that noise?
“Oh, that’s normal.”
Normal for WHAT?
Pulled up with some cash and a pocket full of hope,
Saw the price on the windshield,
thought I finally caught a break.
Seller had a grin like a late-night preacher,
Said, “She’s got character and a real good heater.” Turned the key,
heard a rattle in the back,
He said, “That’s just the exhaust,” then changed the subject fast.
Took a little test drive,
everything seemed fine, Till the dashboard lit up like the Fourth of
July. Asked about the lights,
he said, “That’s how old cars live,” Then he handed me the
paperwork, said, “Sign right here,
kid.” Shook my hand,
took my cash, gave the keys a little twist,
Then I saw the fine print — SOLD AS-IS!
Sold as-is!
(What you see is what you get!) Bought a whole damn problem
and inherited the debt!
Sold as-is!
(Ain’t no warranty here!) Got a heater blowing hot and a dashboard
full of fear! Four wheels,
one key, got a list I can’t dismiss,
Should’ve read that fine print — SOLD AS-IS!
First day driving, heard a sound like a sneeze,
Engine started coughing every time I hit the street.
Hit the gas real gentle,
gotta treat her with respect,
Push the pedal any harder,
something might disconnect. Raspberry exhaust,
trumpet playing down the block,
Neighbors know I’m leaving before I pull out the lot.
Radio sounds like it’s broadcasting through a can,
Left speaker barely working,
right one’s doing what it can.
Four-wheel drive acting like it pays the rent,
Lights up when I start it,
disappears when I shift again.
Scanner full of codes,
got a wallet full of dread,
Every warning light’s another bill I haven’t paid yet.
Sold as-is!
(What you see is what you get!) Bought a whole damn problem
and inherited the debt!
Sold as-is!
(Ain’t no warranty here!) Got a heater blowing hot and a dashboard
full of fear! Four wheels,
one key, got a list I can’t dismiss,
Should’ve read that fine print — SOLD AS-IS!
Got a repair list longer than my grocery receipt,
Counting every penny just to keep her on the street.
Need a muffler, need a sensor,
need somebody with a wrench,
Need a miracle mechanic working fifty-dollar shifts.
Everybody got advice, everybody knows a guy,
Everybody says, “Just fix it,” like cash falls from the sky.
I’m just trying to make a dollar,
put some groceries on the shelf,
But this car keeps finding ways to spend the money by itself.
Still I gotta laugh,
man,
what else can I do?
Got a bucket full of problems,
but she’s getting me through.
She’s a little rough,
got a temper and a hiss,
But she starts when I turn the key
— well, most days,
that is.
Sold as-is!
(What you see is what you get!) Bought a whole damn problem
and inherited the debt!
Sold as-is!
(Ain’t no warranty here!) Got a heater blowing hot and a dashboard
full of fear! Four wheels,
one key, got a list I can’t dismiss,
Should’ve read that fine print — SOLD AS-IS!
“Hey, at least the heater works.”
Wait… Why’s that light blinking?
Aw, hell.