Smokestack Solace
Found your sweater in the back of my closet
Smelled like your deodorant,
that cheap stuff you wouldn't quit
Held it like I held you—fingers digging in
Knew I had to let it go
So I threw it in the trash like I was throwing you
away
Closed my eyes but I could see you cry That sweater was
the last thing
keeping you alive In a life that you're not in anymore In
a life that you're not in
And I was the ghost in that life,
haunting the space
where you tried to disappear
You called me that night,
said you felt it happen
Like I'd erased you,
like you'd become a phantom
Said the sweater disappeared and so did you
I couldn't tell you I was burning down the past I just
said I'm sorry, make it last
I threw it
in the trash like I was throwing you
away
Closed my eyes but I could see you cry That sweater was
the last thing
keeping you alive In a life that you're not in anymore
In a life that you're not in
And I was the ghost in that life,
haunting the space where you tried to disappear
Three weeks later, you texted me— "I stopped feeling you in the
morning"
Like an apology
wrapped in relief
Like you were thanking me for the cruelty
But maybe the sweater
was keeping me breathing too
And I mistook your survival for mine
You needed the phantom,
I needed the proof
That I could still hurt something
That I still mattered
enough to destroy
So I burned it all down and called it mercy
Now I'm the one
checking my phone at 3am
Waiting for the text that says you're gone for good
Because absence needs a witness,
needs someone to say "I felt the exact moment you stopped needing
me"
Your freedom tastes like pennies on my tongue
And I swallowed it whole
I threw it in the trash
And you disappeared
Into a life
where I don't exist
The way you needed me to