Last Lap Blues

(one, two, step, wait,

is that a side stitch?)

Saw you on your story looking twenty-twenty fine Doing handstands in the

park and sipping lemon-lime

So I bought some lilac sneakers and a matching water flask Now

I'm staring at a hill and wondering why you didn't ask

My laces are tied but my spirit is loose I drank three

gallons of celery juice

Oh why, oh why,

did I sign up for this?

I am running, running,

running, but I'm getting nowhere fast These thirty-dollar leggings weren't designed to

make me last

I wanted your attention but my lungs are giving out

Yeah, keeping up with fitness isn't what I'm all about

You post another selfie with a heavy-duty bar

I'm eating peanut butter directly from the jar

Your calves are like a Greek god,

my knees are turning blue I'd rather watch television than run a

mile with you

Uh, check it Cardio,

cardio, please just let the party go I’m tripping on the treadmill

looking like an amateur video Six-pack abs?

Honey, I’ve got a family pack

Of cookies on the counter,

yeah I'm taking my Saturdays back Keep your marathon,

keep your early morning jog I'm chilling on the couch with my

lazy dog

I am running, running,

running, but I'm getting nowhere fast These thirty-dollar leggings weren't designed to

make me last

I wanted your attention but my lungs are giving out

Yeah, keeping up with fitness isn't what I'm all about

Goodbye protein shakes Hello triple-fudge cake Yeah,

you can keep the sweat

I’ll just send a text instead (bye)