I’m Outta Here

Okay... Who

told Brenda? No,

seriously, WHO

told Brenda? You know what?

Doesn’t matter.

Brenda’s mad at Carol

Carol’s dating Steve

Steve’s been telling everybody He’s allergic to commitment — please!

The mayor bought a jet ski With the Christmas parade fund And

somebody’s cousin’s wedding Ended with the cops at one!

My phone’s been doing cartwheels Since a quarter after eight

If I hear “You didn’t hear this…” One more time,

I’ll lose my faith!

I’ve got a full tank,

half a plan A gas station coffee in my hand Don’t need

a reason, don’t need a clue Just need a zip code that

isn’t YOU!

I’m outta here! (Bye-bye!) Put my problems in the lost and found!

I’m outta here! (See ya!) Let somebody else run this town!

Ooh, don’t call, don’t text Don’t tell me who’s upset next!

I’m switching gears, disappearing La-la-la,

I can’t hear it!

I’m outta, outta, outta here!

(Woo!) Yeah, I’m outta here!

The lady at the diner Says the pastor got a tattoo

Of a dragon riding Elvis I said,

“Good for him! Wouldn’t you?” My neighbor’s got a podcast About things

she’s overheard

She interviewed my garbage man And misquoted every word!

The school board’s in a fistfight Over which mascot is best And

the town’s official Facebook page Just failed another stress test!

I’ve packed some chips,

my favorite shoes A playlist full of better news The world’s not

ending, I’ll be fine But this particular town can stand in line!

Am I moving? No.

Am I quitting?

Nope.

Am I having a breakdown?

…Define breakdown.

I’m going somewhere With a pool and a chair Where the biggest

controversy Is a seagull stealing fries!

And if Brenda calls?

Tell her I died.

Of boredom.

Bye, Brenda! (Bye!)

Bye, Carol! (Bye!) Bye,

Steve

and your emotional apparel!

No more meetings! (Nope!) No more feuds!

(Nah!) I’m on vacation from your attitudes!

I’m outta here! (Bye-bye!) Put my problems in the lost and found!

I’m outta here! (See ya!) Let somebody else run this town!

Ooh, don’t call, don’t text I’m not your emergency guest!

I’m changing lanes, I’m feeling free The only drama here’s my SPF!

I’m outta, outta, outta here!

(Woo!) Yeah, I’m outta here!

Oh, you’ve GOT to be kidding me.

Brenda, I am literally on a beach.

…He did WHAT?

Nope.

I’m outta here!