Swipe Left, Swipe Right

I'm swiping left

and swiping right

To find a champion tonight

But all I see

is bathroom tile

And grainy photos with scowls and no smiles (ha!)

He says he is a 'vision-ary lead' But drives his mother's minivan

indeed

He claims he's thirty-two,

great looking and fit But his hairline's made a quick exit

(bye bye!)

Oh, a crazy cat lady's a massive promotion To a life of

sweet peace and devious devotion Why negotiate chores and a waistline expanding

When three fluffy kittens are far less demanding? (meow!)

This one is forty but acts like he's ten

That one is searching for a mommy once again

Their bios are filled with such grand descriptions For their lazy routines

and predilections. (oh please)

No more awkward dinners,

no more awful jokes No more matching energy with questionable folks Just

soft quiet evenings with whiskers and purrs And no more demands that

are frankly absurd.

So I'm stocking up yarn and I'm quitting the app,

While a lovely calico is asleep on my lap! (hahaha)