Scoreboard Skank

Yo,

check the burndown,

check the chart Somebody lied about the story points from the start

Built it for the team,

built it so we'd self-organize Now it's a scoreboard for the folks

who supervise Deep house arps,

jungle flow, here we go This the diss track for the sprint

that let everybody down

Retro board is empty except for one sad note "Communication," circled twice,

somebody wrote

QA caught it Thursday,

dev team caught the blues Ticket bounced back and forth,

everybody paid their dues Acceptance criteria written like a riddle

Product owner ghost you right there in the middle Velocity chart up

on a slide somewhere upstairs Team tool turned into a number that

somebody compares

Sprint failed

Yeah sprint failed

Demo crashed live, sprint failed

Client on the call while the whole thing derailed

Sprint failed

"Change the button copy," that's the whole entire ask Turned into a

forty minute planning poker task "Depends on the client," "depends on the

flow"

Argued for an hour,

watched the whole room go slow Called it complex,

called it edge-case-prone Sized it like a rewrite,

gave the thing an eight-point throne Two words on a button,

took the sprint and broke its back

One line copy change knock the whole board off the track

Sprint failed

Yeah sprint failed

Sized it too big,

sprint failed

Two words cost you eight points,

sprint failed Sprint failed

Tuesday mornin' fire drop right on the desk "Drop everything," urgent flag,

everybody stressed Low priority backlog get pushed right off the board Did

exactly what you asked for,

did what you implored Closed out the fire,

closed it clean and fast Nine story points untouched,

sittin' in the past Manager pull the chart up,

ask us why it's red Wasn't ours to fail,

that decision came from up ahead

Sprint failed

Yeah sprint failed

Urgent came in, sprint failed

Did the right thing anyway,

sprint failed Sprint failed

This was ours,

made to help us breathe

Self-organize, adapt, and plan

what we believe

Now it's a KPI on a dashboard far away

Points ain't for the team no more,

points for who's gonna stay You took the thing we built to

protect the work we do

Turned it to a stick,

and swear the stick was never you

Burndown flat, burndown never bends Jungle break run out,

but the story never

ends Plan it, groom

it,

watch it fall apart Sprint failed again,

right

back at

the start