Bob's Business (I thought this was a video)

Mandatory cybersecurity training.

Fine.

Open it.

Press play.

Mute tab.

Do some actual work.

Thirty minutes.

Easy.

...why am I standing outside a building? I

THOUGHT

IT WAS A VIDEO.

I thought there'd be a presenter With a headset and a tie,

Saying “never share your password” While I barely wonder why.

Let it run behind my browser,

Answer A, then C,

then B, Click the massive obvious button— WHY IS THERE A KEY?

I've got an office floor plan,

I've got three dialogue choices,

Some suspicious-looking bins And several fully acted voices.

There’s a security guard.

There’s a locked staff door.

I clicked mandatory training.

WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR?

I THOUGHT IT WAS A VIDEO!

Just press play and let it go!

Now I'm casing out a building Trying to find a way inside.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A VIDEO!

Why am I crouching down below?

I've got thirty minutes training And apparently— I'M COMMITTING CYBERCRIME.

(ACCESS DENIED)

Okay.

Apparently I need to

“exploit human vulnerability.”

That's...

quite a step up

from a multiple-choice question.

Talk to receptionist. Wrong response.

Try again. “Hello, I'm here from IT.” Wrong response.

“Delivery?” Wrong response. Look around.

Coffee cup. Visitor badge.

Piece of paper. Oh for fuck's sake.

Inspect the desk!

Read the note!

Find the password! Steal the coat!

Distract the guard! Get through the gate!

I HAVE A JOB.

I HAVE THINGS TO DO.

I THOUGHT IT

WAS A VIDEO!

I THOUGHT IT WAS A VIDEO!

Corporate voice and PowerPoint!

Instead I've spent twelve minutes Looking for a bloody access point.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A VIDEO!

Put it on and let it flow!

But the training course apparently Has GAMEPLAY MECHANICS NOW.

(OBJECTIVE UPDATED)

Find a way inside.

(OBJECTIVE UPDATED)

Gain the employee's trust.

(OBJECTIVE UPDATED) Locate sensitive information.

No. I don't want another objective.

I want the progress bar.

Where is the progress bar?

...forty-three percent.

FORTY-THREE?!

Deepfake faces waiting next,

Phishing links and dodgy texts,

Mobile threats are standing by,

Data access asking why.

Identity theft due next week,

GDPR begins to speak.

Nine more rectangles on the screen,

Every single one— NOT STARTED.

Maybe there's a skip button.

No. Maybe I can click Next.

No. Maybe the answers are online.

No. Maybe— (PUZZLE FAILED) Oh,

piss off.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A VIDEO!

I was ready not to know!

Now I'm psychologically manipulating Some fictional bloke called Joe!

I THOUGHT IT WAS A VIDEO!

Now the building's on alert!

I've learned more about infiltration Than I ever wanted to learn!

Avoid the camera! Grab the pass!

Check the bins! Break the glass!

Thirty minutes! That's a lie!

WHY AM I PLAYING GOLDENEYE?!

(ACCESS GRANTED) (COURSE COMPLETE)

Thank Christ. Course 2: AI: Deepfakes.

...please just be a fucking video.