Between Bells and Breaths

The bell rings and I walk inside,

Trying to keep the fear behind my eyes.

Everybody’s talking, laughing loud,

But somehow I just disappear into the crowd.

My hands shake underneath my sleeves,

I tell myself, just breathe,

just breathe. The teacher asks if I’m okay,

I nod my head and look away.

The room feels smaller,

The clock moves slow,

I wish that I could tell them

What they don’t know.

I’m fighting panic between the bells,

Trying to keep myself together when I’m not doing well.

Nobody knows what’s happening inside,

So I smile and say,

“I’m fine,” While I’m just trying to get through the night.

One more class, one more day,

One more reason not to run away.

I know this feeling won’t last forever,

So I breathe in deep

And hold myself together.

Lunchroom noise is way too loud,

I’m surrounded but I still feel alone in the crowd.

I count the seconds,

stare at the floor,

Wondering if I can make it through one more.

Someone says, “You’re overreacting,” If only they knew what my mind was

asking. I don’t need judgment,

I need some space,

Just somebody telling me it’s okay.

The room feels smaller,

My heartbeat races, I remind myself I’m still in a safe place.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll tell somebody,

Maybe I won’t have to hide it.

Maybe asking for a little help Doesn’t mean that I’m not fighting.

I’m more than every anxious thought,

More than every day I’ve struggled through.

And even when my mind gets loud,

I’m still here, still making it through.

I’m fighting panic between the bells,

But I’m learning I don’t have to fight it by myself.

Maybe I don’t have to pretend I’m fine,

Maybe I can take my time.

One more class, one more day,

I’m still here and that’s okay.

The bell will ring,

the day will end,

And tomorrow I can try again.

The hallway clears, The noise fades away.

I made it through Another school day.