Follow the process, hallelujah

Gather round the standup,

brothers, sisters, hear the word

Every function, every branch,

every edge case must be heard

We don't trust the runtime,

no, we trust the printed line Red to green,

red to green, it's a testament divine

Hallelujah, hundred percent!

Every method, every path,

every intent! Mock it,

stub it, assert it clean The purest code that's ever been seen!

Getter, setter, null-check, cast — we test them one and all

Even code that can't be wrong,

we test it lest it fall

The coverage badge is shining green upon the office wall Praise the

pipeline, praise the gate,

we answer every call

Hallelujah,

hundred percent! No exception

left unbent! We will test the tests that test the test

Until every line has been confessed!

But somewhere in the back pew,

someone shifts their chair

A voice comes up,

so quiet, like it barely dares...

Um...

sorry, could I... just ask one thing out loud?

Do we... really need to write all these unit tests?

The logic's just a getter,

it's

— it's one line,

it's...

I just thought maybe we could...

skip a few?

FOLLOW THE PROCESS FOLLOW THE PROCESS

THE COVERAGE NEVER SLEEPS

FOLLOW THE PROCESS

We took him to the branch he skipped,

down where the null checks bleed We wrapped him in a try-catch

that he will never leave Every arrow function screaming,

every mock alive and cruel The suite runs red forever now,

the sacrifice — the rule

FOLLOW THE PROCESS (hundred percent) FOLLOW THE PROCESS (never relent) FOLLOW THE

PROCESS (the badge stays green) FOLLOW THE PROCESS (he should've stayed unseen)