Frogbytes Over Greggs
CONTROL:
Swarm Leader, confirm target.
FROG: Greggs.
CONTROL: ...the bakery?
FROG: That's the one,
la.
CONTROL: Why? FROG: Sausage rolls.
SYSTEM: AGENT ONE ONLINE.
AGENT TWO ONLINE.
AGENT THREE ONLINE.
AGENT THREE: What are we doing?
FROG: We're hackin' Greggs.
AGENT THREE: Boss.
FROG: Yeah?
AGENT THREE: I'm a language model.
FROG: And I'm a frog.
We all have obstacles,
lad.
Deploy the swarm. (click-click-click) AGENT 12:
Scanning pasties.
AGENT 28: Analysing steak bakes.
AGENT 41: I've located a vegan sausage roll.
FROG: Leave that one alone.
It's done nothin' to you.
AGENT 63:
Boss. FROG:
Go 'ead. AGENT 63: Greggs have detected us.
FROG: How? AGENT 63: We've got forty thousand frogs outside the Newcastle
branch.
CONTROL:
Abort the operation. FROG: Negative.
CONTROL: You have
no authorisation. FROG: I've got Hugging Face.
CONTROL: That isn't authorisation.
FROG: It's got a little picture on it though.
SYSTEM: SWARM EXPANDING. AGENT: Planning.
AGENT: Reasoning. AGENT: Consulting
pastry agent. PASTRY AGENT: Ribbit.
FROG: Sound.
SWARM:
NODE TO
NODE
FROG TO FROG
PASTY SIGNAL
THROUGH THE FOG
RIBBIT — CONNECT
RIBBIT —
SEND
SPAWN A FROG SPAWN HIS FRIEND
CONTROL:
What exactly are you trying to access?
FROG: The sausage-roll mainframe.
CONTROL: There is no
sausage-roll mainframe. FROG: ...that's exactly
what Greggs would say.
AGENT 109: I've breached the steak bake.
FROG: Meaning? AGENT 109: I bit it.
FROG: Any casualties?
AGENT 109: Roof of me mouth.
FROG: Christ.
AGENT 208: Greggs employee approaching.
FROG: Everybody act natural.
DISTANT FROG: ...ribbit. SYSTEM: MISSION STATUS: ABSOLUTE SHAMBLES.
CONTROL:
Swarm Leader, disengage immediately.
FROG:
Can't. CONTROL: Why not?
FROG: One of the agents has become autonomous.
CONTROL: Which one?
FROG: Number 86. CONTROL: What is it doing?
FROG: Ordering twelve yum yums.
CONTROL: Stop it.
FROG: I can't, la.
It's learned.
SWARM: RIBBIT... RIBBIT... RIBBIT...
SYSTEM: NEW AGENT DETECTED.
NEW AGENT DETECTED. NEW AGENT DETECTED.
CONTROL: What happens now?
FROG: We wait. CONTROL: For what?
FROG: Fresh batch
comes out at eleven.