Trouser Troubles Tango

Well, I woke up late,

missed the train, Put my left shoe on my right again,

Grabbed my hat, ran out the door— Then I realized I forgot

my pants once more!

(OH NO!) I said,

“Don’t panic,

keep your cool!” Then I slipped and landed in a kiddie pool!

Okay, quick update, situation’s bad,

My wardrobe choices are making me mad.

One sock missing, one shoe too tight,

My belt disappeared sometime last night.

Phone at two percent,

keys in the sink,

Boss keeps calling—what does he think?

I need one minute,

maybe two or three— Wait… why’s there a chicken following me?

(CLUCK! CLUCK!) I found my trousers underneath the bed,

Along with three sandwiches and somebody’s bread.

I don’t remember buying either one,

But apparently my laundry day is fun!

You call this organized?

I call it charm!

Your shirt is backwards!

That’s fashion, darling!

Look, I’m dressed, technically speaking,

But every single zipper’s got me freaking.

My jacket’s inside out,

my tie’s upside down,

I walked into the bank wearing slippers downtown.

Lady at the counter gave me a stare,

I said, “Don’t worry,

ma’am, I’m always prepared.”

She said, “Prepared for what?” I said,

“Honestly… I have absolutely no idea,

probably.”

(WHO GAVE HIM THE KEYS?!) Now the chicken’s in the kitchen,

And the cat is on the chair,

The neighbor’s yelling something,

But I haven’t got a prayer!

Your trousers are on backwards!

(I know!) Your shoelace is untied!

(I know!) Your car is in the driveway!

(I know!) Then why are you still running?

BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO GO!

Left foot, right foot,

try to stay upright,

Whole day’s going sideways and it’s barely daylight.

Coffee in my pocket,

donut on my sleeve,

If this is adulthood,

somebody let me leave!

Got bills on the table,

laundry in the hall,

One tiny problem turned into them all.

But I’m still smiling,

so I guess I’m okay— Besides,

tomorrow can’t possibly be this way.

(OH, IT CAN!) That’s the trouble with my trousers,

That’s the trouble with my shoes,

Every time I think I’m winning,

Something else decides to lose!

But if life gives you lemons— Check the expiration date!

If life gives you problems— Tell ‘em,

“Sorry, you’re late!” Keep the piano rolling,

Keep the rhythm on the floor,

If everything goes wrong today,

We’ll make it wrong some more!

Now the piano’s going crazy,

Everybody’s lost control, There’s a chicken on the countertop,

And somebody stole my bowl!

No idea what we’re doing,

No idea where we’re going,

But the band keeps playing louder— AND THE PIANO KEEPS ON GOING!

(ONE! TWO! THREE!) Wait—whose trousers are these?

…Mine. Then whose am I wearing?!

(STOP THE MUSIC!)