Behind the lies

(ahhhh) I smile when they ask me how I’m doing,

Say, “I’m fine,” and change the room.

Nobody sees me counting minutes,

Wondering when I’ll feel like me again soon.

There are mornings I can barely face it,

My own body feels so far away.

I miss the person I remember,

The one who didn’t have to fight each day.

And I’m tired of being strong

When I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

Nobody sees the tired in my eyes,

Nobody hears me crying in the night.

I’m fighting battles underneath my skin,

Trying to smile like nothing’s wrong again.

I miss the life I used to know,

I miss the person I was before.

And every day I tell myself,

“Keep going,” While secretly wishing I could hurt a little less than

before.

I hate when people say,

“You look okay,” Because they don’t know what it takes.

They don’t feel the fear behind my silence,

Or all the little pieces of me that ache.

I’ve learned to hide the bad days,

To laugh when I want to disappear.

Sometimes I don’t need someone to fix me— I just need someone

to stay near.

If my body won’t be kind to me,

I wish my mind would be.

I wish I could stop blaming myself For things I never chose

to be.

Maybe healing isn’t waking up And suddenly being who I was.

Maybe it’s forgiving my reflection

For becoming someone I don’t recognize enough.

Nobody sees the tired in my eyes,

Nobody knows how hard I try.

I’m still here, even on the days When getting through them

feels impossible. I miss the life I used to know,

But I’m still learning to love this one.

And maybe someday I’ll look back and say,

“I survived what I thought would break me.”

Tonight, I won’t pretend I’m okay.

Tonight, I’ll let myself be sad.

Because being tired doesn’t mean I’m weak— It just means I’ve been

carrying too much for too long.