Ribbit Boarding
“British Airways regrets to announce… we have absolutely no idea what’s happening.”
Six in the evening,
departures glowing red, Froggy at Heathrow with a Pret above his head.
Edinburgh cancelled, Manchester delayed,
One frog’s been redirected via fucking Belgrade.
Gatwick’s full of tadpoles,
Luton’s lost control, A frog in Terminal Five has aged ten years
in soul. “Due to air-traffic restrictions…” RIBBIT.
“Beyond our reasonable control…” RIBBIT.
“Please speak to our ground staff…” WHERE ARE THEY?
RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT.
WE ARE STRANDED!
Across the United Kingdom tonight!
From Glasgow down to Gatwick,
Every departure board is white!
No planes in the heavens,
No rooms left at the inn,
Just forty thousand frogs screaming: “WHEN DOES CHECK-IN BEGIN?”
Edinburgh! RIBBIT! Heathrow! RIBBIT!
Manchester! RIBBIT! Birmingham!
“PLEASE REMAIN
CALM.” ...ribbit? RIBBIT — RIBBIT — RIBBIT CONTROL!
RIB-RIB-RIB-RIBBIT CONTROL!
BA CAN’T GET THE FROGS BACK HOME!
RIBBIT!
FLIGHT CANCELLED!
RIBBIT!
CREW DISPLACED!
RIBBIT! YOUR AIRCRAFT IS CURRENTLY IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLACE!
One frog found a Travelodge,
One slept beside a Greggs,
One demanded compensation
while moisturising both his legs.
A family bound for Belfast now somehow lives in Crewe,
And Froggy’s replacement service leaves next Wednesday at two.
Softly now…
the terminal sleeps.
A lonely frog looks through the glass at aircraft going nowhere.
He whispers:
“Surely… the air traffic system… has redundancy?”
Airport speaker:
“No.”
Tiny frog: “...ribbit.”
But frogs don’t surrender,
Frogs don’t lose hope,
Frogs queue for seven hours then somehow fucking cope.
Raise your tiny webbed hands!
Your boarding passes high!
Tonight we reclaim THE BRITISH SKY!
“Final call for—” RIBBIT!
“Final call for—” RIBBIT!!
“FINAL CALL—” RIIIIIBBBBBIIIIITTTTT!
RIBBIT CONTROL!
RIBBIT CONTROL!
EVERY FROG IN BRITAIN HAS LOST ALL CONTROL!
HEATHROW! RIBBIT!
GATWICK! RIBBIT! EDINBURGH!
RIBBIT! LUTON!
...unfortunate. BA!
BA!
WHERE’S OUR PLANE?
BA! BA! NOT AGAIN!
RIB-RIB-RIB-RIB-RIBBIT! “British Airways would like to thank all amphibians for their patience.”
Froggy: “No.” Ribbit.