Mr. Tuff Guy
Hold on.
Do it again.
The threatening part.
... PFFT—
(hahaha) I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
You walked in mean With your shoulders all wide Doing that little
tough-guy Lean-to-the-side
Said, "You know who I am?" No.
Should I? You got business cards Or should I fucking Google you?
Talking real low Like the bass in your throat Gonna make me
suddenly Hand you my coat Then you cracked your knuckles—
Oh, shit!
Not the knuckles! Everybody evacuate!
DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO BE MAD (hahaha) I'M
TRYING TO RESPECT YOU BUT YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING BAD DON'T MAKE ME
LAUGH KEEP YOUR SERIOUS FACE YOU PRACTICED THIS SHIT IN THE MIRROR,
DIDN'T YOU?
Now he's pacing. Oh,
he's pacing! That's phase two.
Next you point at me Then dramatically say,
"You don't know What I'm capable of." Neither do you.
That's why we're both curious.
You brought three friends They look fucking exhausted Like you rehearsed this
speech In the car and they lost it One checking his phone
One staring away Third one's face saying,
"Can we please fucking leave?"
Blink twice if you need help.
DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO BE MAD I'M TRYING
TO RESPECT YOU BUT YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING BAD DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH
KEEP YOUR SERIOUS FACE YOU PRACTICED THIS SHIT IN THE MIRROR,
DIDN'T YOU?
Look. Maybe you're dangerous.
Statistically,
anything's possible.
But if you have to keep telling everybody
you're terrifying...
You're kinda ruining the surprise.
Big bark, stiff walk Cheap intimidation Whole performance needs Better presentation Pause
wrong Talk long Lost your concentration Threat turned TED Talk Halfway through
the confrontation Overacting, finger-pointing Posturing and disappointing Every sentence needs an ending
Every warning needs explaining Now you're yelling I'm still smiling You're getting
mad I'm fucking dying—
Sorry.
Continue.
Actually... Nah. I'm bored now.
DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH YOU WERE DOING SO WELL RIGHT UP UNTIL
YOU STARTED TRYING TO YELL DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH
GO PRACTICE YOUR ACT COME BACK WHEN YOUR THREATS DON'T NEED A
FUCKING LAUGH TRACK
Same time tomorrow?
Bring notes.