Apology Not Included

Uh, tests one two...

is this thing on?

Wait, what do you mean I have to apologize?

Like,

legally? (sarcastic sigh: psssh)

Alright, fine, cue the dramatic violins,

let's do this.

I'm so sorry that I set your front porch on fire And

I'm sorry that I called your favorite uncle a liar And I'm

sorry that I ruined your whole family vacation (my bad!) By escaping

from a low-security mental station Wait,

scratch that, let me restart this verse

I meant to say I made the situation significantly worse!

I bought a megaphone just to yell at your pet turtle Now

I'm jumping out your window like an Olympic hurdle!

I'm a terrible person,

I'm an absolute mess!

(yep!) I'm the walking definition of a regular pest!

And I do not care,

no, I do not care!

Go ahead and sue me if you even dare!

I'm a terrible person and I'll say it again!

(again!) Don't invite me over,

I am not your friend!

Okay, look, I tried to be a better human being for a

minute But the drama is a pool and I just gotta dive

in it My apologies are fake like a cheap gold chain (fake!)

I will hijack your car and drive it straight into a drain

...Wait, did I actually say that out loud?

(hahaha) Let me redirect your focus to the silver-lined cloud!

Sure, I ruined your wedding and I ate the whole cake But

look at all the lovely little memories we make!

I'm a terrible person,

I'm an absolute mess!

(yep!) I'm the walking definition of a regular pest!

And I do not care,

no, I do not care!

Go ahead and sue me if you even dare!

I'm a terrible person and I'll say it again!

(again!) Don't invite me over,

I am not your friend!

Now the final verse is starting and I'm losing my mind I'm

the most ridiculous disaster that you ever will find I am packing

up my bags with a tactical bomb And I'm leaving it directly

on the porch of your mom!

Hyper-active, radioactive, interactive, terrible flow I'm a menace,

playing tennis with a stolen piano I am crazy,

lazy, hazy, absolutely insane With a microscopic hamster running inside of my

brain! ...Wait, my lawyer says I shouldn't have admitted to that last

part.