I'd like to formally apologize.
Apparently I've been "creating a hostile environment."
Which is ridiculous.
I CREATED SEVERAL. (hahaha!)
My bad! Didn't know the meeting started at ten
I came at twelve with a beer and a friend Wrong room?
Wrong day? Wrong pants?
Hold up— Why the fuck am I wearing your pants?
Don't answer that. Actually do.
I need context. My memory filed for unemployment And left no forwarding
address. Everybody mad like I planned this shit
You think I wake up organized?
I found my keys in the microwave And spent twenty minutes blaming
the dog— I DON'T OWN A DOG.
MY BAD!
MY BAD! EVERYBODY CALM DOWN!
Apparently I'm the reason We can't go back downtown!
MY BAD! MY BAD!
WRITE IT ON MY TAB!
If terrible decisions paid rent— I'D OWN THE FUCKING LAB!
Mom says, "Grow up." Boss says,
"Get help." Ex says,
"You're exhausting."
Fair. But everybody loves honesty Till honesty walks in drunk and says,
"Your baby's kinda weird-looking." WHAT?
I said kinda!
That's improvement.
Got banned from a bar
I don't remember entering
Sent myself seventeen texts
All threatening me
First one said "WATCH YOUR BACK"
Second said "I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP" Yeah,
no shit, genius— WE SHARE A BRAIN AND A LEASE.
MY BAD! MY BAD!
EVERYBODY CALM DOWN!
Apparently I'm the reason We can't go back downtown!
MY BAD! MY BAD!
WRITE IT ON MY TAB!
If terrible decisions paid rent— I'D OWN THE FUCKING LAB!
I'm irresponsible, impossible, socially inadmissible Doctor said "impulsive," I said "Cool,
is that fixable?" He started explaining— I bought a kazoo.
(beeep!) Don't know why.
Seemed important at two.
I got no filter,
no brakes, no clue,
no shame Three fake numbers and I still gave my real name
Every apology somehow gets worse I start with "I'm sorry" then accidentally
curse So from the bottom of my heart—
My bad. ... You buying that?
No?
Fuck.
MY BAD! MY BAD!
EVERYBODY CALM DOWN!
If you didn't want a problem— WHY'D YOU LET ME COME AROUND?
Okay, seriously.
Whose pants are these?