Founder Hounder 1

He said he's technically pre-revenue,

I said, that's okay,

I've dated worse than you.

He's got three co-founders and a rented room,

eighteen months of runway and a lot to prove.

He ordered coffee, told me his TAM,

said they're changing how the whole world understands

something I have never needed in my life.

I said, interesting.

And swiped right.

I don't need the Porsche.

I don't need the house.

I just need to know what your burn rate looks like now.

I'm a founder hounder,

baby, show me the deck.

What's your valuation? What's your product-market fit?

Founder hounder, I can smell a Series A.

You can keep your six-pack,

honey, tell me what Andreessen said.

I don't chase money.

I chase potential.

Founder hounder.

He said, we're not really dating,

I'm heads-down.

That's founder for I'll text you when the round comes around.

His calendar says dinner,

but his Slack says no,

and his love language is I've got ten minutes before I go.

He's emotionally unavailable,

but the metrics

are

incredible.

I've seen the roadmap.

I understand the risk.

There are several red flags,

but also hockey-stick—

I'm a founder hounder,

baby, show me the deck.

What's your valuation? How much equity's left?

Founder hounder, I can smell a Series A.

You can keep your six-pack,

honey, tell me what

Sequoia said. Founder hounder.

For the record,

I liked him before the funding.

That feels important.

Also, I am not saying I checked Crunchbase before the second date.

I am saying

Crunchbase

is public information.

I'm a founder hounder,

show me what you built.

Tell me you're disrupting something,

tell me you've got grit.

Founder hounder, I know exactly what they'll say:

He was living on ramen when she met him anyway.

I don't chase money.

I have excellent pattern recognition.

So.

What's the vesting schedule?