The Man I Became

I still remember your footsteps…

The sound of the door…

The fear in my chest… I was just a kid.

I didn’t know what anger was.

I only knew—

HOW TO SURVIVE.

You taught me silence with the back of your hand,

Taught me fear before I could understand.

Every bruise became a secret I kept,

Every tear became something I had to forget.

You told me boys were never supposed to cry,

So I buried every feeling deep inside.

Now I’m grown, but I’m still that kid,

Trying to understand what you did.

How do I learn to love When love was something I feared?

How do I let somebody close

When you taught me to disappear?

How do I say “I’m hurting”

When I was taught to hide the pain?

LOOK AT THE MAN YOU MADE!

I’VE CARRIED YOUR VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD!

You taught me anger,

you taught me pain,

You taught me how to hide behind my shame.

BUT I’M NOT YOU!

I WON’T BECOME WHAT YOU BECAME!

I’ll break the cycle you left in me—

I’LL BE THE MAN YOU NEVER TAUGHT ME TO BE!

Now every raised voice takes me back to before,

Every argument feels like another war.

I learned how to fight,

but never how to speak.

I learned how to survive,

but never how to be weak.

Nobody taught me what to do with the anger.

Nobody taught me how to say “I’m afraid.”

To the little boy I used to be…

I’m sorry you thought it was your fault.

I’m sorry you learned to stay quiet.

You didn’t deserve the fear.

You didn’t deserve the pain.

You were just a child… You deserved a father’s arms— NOT HIS

FISTS. I

AM NOT YOUR ANGER!

I AM NOT YOUR PAIN!

I AM NOT THE HANDS THAT MADE ME AFRAID!

YOU GAVE ME THE WOUND— BUT I CHOOSE WHAT IT BECOMES!

You made me afraid of becoming you… BUT I HAVE A CHOICE.

I’M NOT YOU!

LOOK AT THE MAN I BECAME!

I CARRIED YOUR SHADOW— BUT IT DOESN’T OWN MY NAME!

I learned to feel,

I learned to cry,

I learned that love doesn’t have to hurt to survive.

I’M NOT YOU!

I WON’T LIVE THAT WAY!

The cycle ends with me—

I’M FINALLY LEARNING HOW TO FEEL!

I’m still learning how to love…

Still learning how to let people in…

I’m not the boy you broke.

I’m the man who survived you.

THE CYCLE ENDS WITH ME.