You shall not— Wait… Hold up.
Who gave Frodo the damn jewelry?
One ring, two rings,
everybody get down, Frodo got the ice but he gotta leave town,
Gandalf on the whip like,
“Fly, you fools!”
Sauron in the sky watching all of y’all fools!
One ring, one chain,
one mission tonight, Walk all the way to Mordor just to throw
it in fire, Gollum in the cave like,
“That ring is mine!” Bro,
get a job! You been saying that line for nine!
Woke up in the Shire,
had a peaceful little day,
Then Gandalf pulled up like,
“We gotta get away.” I said,
“Why?” He said, “Because your necklace got a name.” Now I’m walking
through the woods while a Nazgûl plays chase.
Sam on my left and he carrying the snacks,
Merry and Pippin somehow already off track,
We got nine dudes coming and they all look mad,
I just wanted second breakfast,
man, why’s it gotta be this bad?
I got the staff,
I got the hat,
I got a horse,
And I’m riding that.
Balrog showed up— I said,
“Not today.”
Fell off the bridge— Came back upgraded anyway.
One ring, two rings,
everybody get down,
Frodo got the ice but he gotta leave town,
Gandalf on the whip like,
“Fly, you fools!”
Sauron in the sky watching all of y’all fools!
One ring, one chain,
one mission tonight, Walk all the way to Mordor just to throw
it in fire, Gollum in the cave like,
“That ring is mine!” Bro,
get a job! You been saying that line for nine!
(shouted ad-libs)
Name’s Aragorn, yeah, king in disguise,
Walk into the room and the whole place quiet,
Sword on my back and I’m ready to fight,
I been hiding in the woods for like my whole damn life.
Legolas beside me, he don’t ever miss,
Gimli yelling, “Let’s go!” while he swinging that fist,
Three hundred arrows? He’ll still hit the target,
Gimli got an axe and he’s calling everybody short.
SHORT?!
I didn’t say it.
YOU WERE THINKING IT!
I built one ring and I thought I was the man,
Put my whole evil plan inside a wedding band,
Then some little hobbit took it out my hand,
Now I’m stuck on a tower watching Mordor gettin’ ran.
I got one eye but I see everything,
Looking down like, “Where the hell is my ring?” Frodo in the
distance, Sam yelling “RUN!” Sauron got defeated by a guy who barely
weighs a ton.
My precious…
My beautiful… My shiny little—
BRO, LET IT GO!
NEVER! One ring, two rings,
everybody get down, Frodo got the ice but he gotta leave town,
Gandalf on the whip like,
“Fly, you fools!”
Sauron in the sky watching all of y’all fools!
One ring, one chain,
one mission tonight, Walk all the way to Mordor just to throw
it in fire, Gollum in the cave like,
“That ring is mine!” Middle-earth going crazy one more time!
You shall not pass.
Pass what? …I actually don’t know.
Can we just go home?
My preciousssss…