Between Want And Can’t
I caught myself smiling at my phone again,
Waiting for your name to light it up.
I told myself I wouldn't let you in,
But somehow you got through the cracks.
It's been a long time since I felt this way,
And honestly, that scares me more than I can say.
'Cause I know where this road can go,
And I've been somewhere like it before.
So every time my heart says “stay,” My mind starts looking for
the door.
I'm watching myself fall in love again,
And I'm pulling back before I hit the ground.
I'm getting closer, then I disappear,
'Cause the thought of needing you is terrifying me now.
I want to let you hold my heart,
But I'm scared you'll be the one who tears it apart.
So I'm caught between “I want you” and “I can't,” Watching myself
fall in love again— Then running from the chance.
You don't even know the war inside my head,
How every sweet thing makes me second-guess.
You say you won't leave,
I want to believe,
But promises are hard when you've learned not to need.
I hate that I'm comparing you to ghosts,
But sometimes the past still feels way too close.
And I know you haven't done a thing,
Still I'm preparing for goodbye.
You reach for me,
I reach back too,
Then I remember how it feels to lose.
Maybe I'm not scared of you,
Maybe I'm scared of who I become
When somebody finally matters And I have something left to lose.
Maybe I don't need to run,
Maybe I just need to learn
That not every hand that holds my heart Is gonna let it
burn.
I'm watching myself fall in love again,
And for once, I'm trying not to turn around.
My heart is screaming “don't be afraid,” While every part of me
is screaming “get out.” I don't know if I can trust this
yet, I don't know if I'm ready to forget All the reasons
I built these walls so high— But maybe love doesn't have to
hurt Every single time.
So if I pull away,
It's not because I don't feel it.
It's because I feel it too much,
And I'm still learning how to believe it.
I'm watching myself fall in love again… And maybe this time,
I won't run.