Dice, Dwarves, and Disaster

Previously… on the Bad Kids!

They went into a mountain.

There were dwarves.

There was lava.

There was an alarming amount of violence.

So… pretty standard, really.

They marched into the mountain,

With a mission and a plan,

They even tried this thing called stealth— For as long as Bad

Kids can. A dwarf was sitting peacefully,

Just answering nature’s call,

Then suddenly he’s tied and gagged And strapped against the wall!

They found a room of statues,

Put their brains to work for once,

While angry dwarves outside the doors Were pounding like a bunch of

punks!

Deep inside the ancient forge,

The hammer struck the steel,

The dwarf king forged a devil blade To make poor Lance squeal!

LAST TIME ON THE BAD KIDS’ TALE!

Every single dwarf attack would fail!

The king swung hard,

the dice said NO!

And somehow Lance just stole the show!

There was fire! There was force!

There were terrible decisions,

of course! Grab your dice,

the show’s begun— Another week of WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?!

A mighty sorcerer raised a wall,

“No getting through!” he cried,

Then everybody teleported Straight to the other side.

He dropped the wall and cast his Haste,

The bear was feeling fast— Then concentration disappeared… (And so did the

bear’s next turn.) The dwarf king swung his masterpiece,

Designed for devil slaughter,

But every roll he made that night Just sank beneath the water.

Lance blocked the blade,

the party struck, The mighty king went down,

And somehow these teenage lunatics Survived beneath the ground!

LAST TIME ON THE BAD KIDS’ TALE!

Every single dwarf attack would fail!

One poor bear got Haste—then lost it fast,

That poor spell slot simply couldn’t last!

There was lava! There was loot!

And Lance found one extremely metal suit— Well… gauntlet.

Close enough. Another week of WAY TOO MUCH!

They found the Gauntlet of Dis,

Now Lance can pull you near!

They claimed an ancient dwarven blade That devils ought to fear!

Elemental crystals power it,

Its cracks begin to glow,

And point the sword toward something far… THEN SEND THE SLASH AND

LET IT GO!

Four days pass, they’re heading home,

Surely things are fine… (They are not.) School is waiting,

trouble’s brewing, Something’s down the line.

Biz Glitterdoom has hit the gym— Or something far more cursed— A

fanny pack, absurd strength… Somehow he got worse.

And Skrank made one little Wish,

For followers and fame,

Now half the world knows who he is… That probably won’t matter.

(Pause) …Right?

THIS TIME ON THE BAD KIDS’ TALE!

Will diplomacy once again completely fail?

Will someone die? Will something burn?

Will anybody in this party LEARN?!

There’s a sword! There’s a stream!

There’s probably a deeply stupid scheme!

So grab your snacks,

And roll that die— WELCOME BACK TO FANTASY HIGH!

Please remember: violence is technically not the only available action.