Saint of lost causes
I almost let it slip
but your eyes locked the courage beneath my lips,
I could almost forget,
if regret wasn’t built up like bricks,
solid as the shape
you pressed into my chest,
refusing to belong anywhere,
silence has built a home there.
There are versions of you
I rehearse in darkness,
they linger in the pauses,
in the strange, decaying softness.
I’ve become the saint of lost causes,
still praying through the losses,
you leave just enough behind to keep me from walking away,
I’m the saint of lost causes,
loving what your silence promises,
choosing to hesitate just another thing that you hate
I’ve started measuring
absence as intention, your distance is deliberate
in ways you don’t mention,
it’s just the slow unraveling of facts,
never learning how to break the act.
Even now I track the afterglow you leave,
not from memory,
but with a desperate,
cold instinct,
like my body kept a record my mind was never meant to
read.
There are versions of you
I rehearse in darkness,
they linger in the pauses,
in the strange, decaying softness.
I’ve become the saint of lost causes,
still praying through the losses,
you leave just enough behind
to keep me from walking away,
I’m the saint of lost causes,
loving what your silence promises,
choosing to hesitate just another thing that you hate
If there’s anything left of you at all,
it’s in the way you’ll never change,
the better part of my demons show me nothing will remain.
I’ve started measuring
absence as intention, your distance is deliberate in ways you don’t mention,
it’s just the slow unraveling of facts,
never learning how to break the act.
I’ve
become the saint of lost causes,
still praying through the losses,
you leave just enough behind
to keep me from walking away,
I’m the saint of lost causes,
loving what your silence promises,
choosing to hesitate just another thing that you hate And if there’s
anything left of you at all,
it’s in the way you’ll never change,
there is no belief for me now
that anything will remain.