COUNTING WRONG

One, two, three, four— Wait.

Start again.

Seven hours of sleep

Eight stops to work

Thirty-one before I thought I should know what I was worth

Five unread messages

Two cups before noon

I keep adding up the days Like they’re going somewhere soon

I know the numbers

I know the dates

I know exactly

How long I’m late

I counted everything

Except the things that mattered Every mile Every year Every rung upon

the ladder I counted everything

Trying to get it right Then you laughed

And I lost count

For the first time

All night

Twelve months in a plan

Ten years in my head How much money should I make

Before I’m doing well?

Three minutes on a call One second before goodbye Funny how the

smallest things Refuse to fit inside

No column

for

The way it felt

No number for Becoming someone else

I counted everything

Except the things that mattered Every mile Every year Every rung upon

the ladder I counted everything

Trying to get it right Then you laughed

And I lost count

For the first time

All night

Seven

Five

Seven

Four

Seven

Five— What am I counting for?

Maybe I’m early

Maybe I’m late

Maybe there isn’t A number for this place

Maybe a life

Doesn’t add up

Maybe that’s enough

I counted everything Except the things that mattered All the years All

the plans All the answers I was after

I counted everything Then let it go

One

Two

Three—

I don’t know

Wrong again.

Good.