Still Figuring It Out

18: “So you're me?” Older: “Unfortunately.” 18: “Cool.

When do we figure everything out?” (hahaha)

18: “Twenty-five, you got money?” 25: “Define money.” 18: “You got a

plan?” 25: “I've got several.” 35: “None of those

work.” 25:

“Fuck you.” 35: “Technically,

fuck us.” 18: “Okay,

thirty-five, surely you've got life under control?” 35: “I've got passwords,

insurance, and lower back pain.” 18: “…Jesus Christ.”

“WHEN DO I FIGURE THIS OUT?

WHEN DOES EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE?

When do I stop making guesses and become intelligent?

Every older version tells me,

‘Kid, you're gonna work it out.’ Then I finally fucking meet 'em—

AND THEY'RE STILL FIGURING IT OUT!

Same eyes! New lines!

Different versions, different times!

Maybe growing up ain't knowing— MAYBE IT'S GETTING BETTER AT THE TRY!”

25:

“Thirty-five, did we get rich?” 35: “Not exactly.” “Fall in love?” “That's

complicated.” “Find ourselves?” “I found receipts.” Middle-aged: “Wait until taxes.” Everybody: “Fuck.”

“Eighteen wants freedom, twenty-five wants cash,

Thirty-five wants one decision he doesn't second-guess.

Middle age looks backward thinking time went fucking fast,

Then everybody turns toward the oldest at the table last.” “So?” Old

“What?”

“What's the answer?”

“To what?”

Old

“You think someday you wake up finished?

You don't. You just wake up with better stories.” “You'll fuck things

up. You'll change your mind.

You'll lose some things.

You'll be alright. And every version sitting here was absolutely certain— the

next guy knew more.”

18: “So we're all idiots?” Old

“Oh, absolutely.” “WHEN DO I FIGURE THIS OUT?

MAYBE THAT DAY NEVER COMES!

Maybe everybody's improvising while pretending that they're not!

Same heart! New scars!

Same idiot underneath it all!

Every version kept on moving— THAT'S HOW EVERY VERSION GOT THIS FAR!

I don't need the final answer!

I don't need the perfect route!

If the oldest me is laughing— MAYBE WE TURNED OUT ALRIGHT!” “EIGHTEEN!

TWENTY-FIVE! THIRTY-FIVE! STILL ALIVE!

Different years, same fucking guy— AND WE'RE STILL FIGURING OUT THIS LIFE!”

18: “One more question.” Old “No.”