To Afraid To Die/live

They said my name.

Then nothing.

No light.

No voice.

Just the horrible realization—

I was gone.

My hands were cold

My lungs forgot me

A room full of faces

Standing above me

Someone said the time

Someone closed my eyes And somewhere beneath

the silence I realized— I didn't want to die.

No.

No, no—

You can't have me.

I WAS TOO AFRAID TO DIE SO I STAYED ALIVE CLAWED MY

WAY BACK WITH NOTHING BUT SPITE NO MIRACLE NO SAVING LIGHT I

JUST HATED DEATH MORE THAN I HATED LIFE I

was too afraid to die

So I stayed alive.

Now every doorway feels deeper

Every dark room knows my name

Sometimes I swear there's a shadow Still waiting beside my grave I

hear it breathing When I sleep Feel cold fingers Around my feet

It says— “You already belong to me.” I whisper— Not yet.

I didn't conquer death

I fucking panicked. I saw the end And couldn't stand it Terror

turned to anger Anger became breath And I hated being gone Hated

being gone More than I feared what came next

I WAS TOO AFRAID

TO DIE SO I STAYED ALIVE

HEART WOULDN'T BEAT SO I BEAT IT INSIDE NO HEAVEN OPENED NO

DEVIL ARRIVED JUST A DEAD MAN SCREAMING— NOT TONIGHT.

Maybe I should've gone.

Maybe something broke. Because every morning since Feels borrowed.

Every heartbeat sounds like footsteps.

Every breath feels stolen.

Death— I remember you.

I remember the

cold. I remember letting go.

And I remember changing my mind.

SO COME BACK. TAKE ANOTHER TRY.

STOP MY HEART. DRAIN ME DRY.

BURY ME DEEP.

CLOSE BOTH MY EYES.

I'LL CRAWL THROUGH THE FUCKING EARTH— BECAUSE I'M STILL AFRAID TO DIE.

I WAS TOO AFRAID TO DIE SO I STAYED ALIVE

TOO FUCKING ANGRY

TO CROSS THAT LINE CALL IT A CURSE CALL IT DIVINE I

DON'T CARE WHAT KEPT ME HERE— THIS LIFE IS MINE.

I died once. That's enough.