Fused Rhythms

Yeah…

I know I wasn’t what you wanted.

I know I made mistakes.

But I was a kid.

I didn’t know how to carry all that weight.

I was barely old enough to know what love meant,

Watching plates hit the wall,

hearing doors get bent.

Every night was another war inside the house,

Learned to keep my mouth shut when the screaming got loud.

I started acting out,

yeah, I know I was a mess,

But nobody ever asked what was underneath the stress.

I was fighting with my parents,

fighting everybody else, Couldn’t tell ’em I was hurting,

so I hated myself.

They said, “Look at what you’ve done,

you’re a disappointment,” Like I woke up one day and decided to

destroy it. I wanted their approval,

wanted somebody proud, But the louder that they yelled,

the more I shut down.

And I know I wasn’t easy… I know I made you cry…

But did you ever stop and wonder

What was happening inside?

I was just a kid trying to survive,

Trying to find a reason just to make it through the night.

I know I let you down,

I know I crossed some lines,

But you can’t blame a child

For a war they didn’t start.

I was just a kid… With a scared and broken heart.

I didn’t need another fight,

I needed somewhere safe to fall.

I remember hearing footsteps coming down the hall,

Knowing by the sound if somebody was pissed off.

Kitchen light flickering, shadows on the wall,

I’d disappear into my room like I wasn’t there at all.

Then I’d wake up the next day and pretend that we were

fine, Put a smile on my face like I didn’t lose my

mind. Nobody talked about the screaming from the night before,

So I learned how to bury every feeling even more.

And maybe I was angry,

maybe I was hard to handle,

Maybe I was carrying a fire I didn’t understand.

But when you’re raised around chaos,

you become what you see,

And I was just a little kid trying desperately to breathe.

I know I wasn’t perfect… God,

I know I made mistakes… But I needed someone to tell me

I was worth more than my worst days.

Maybe I wasn’t the child you dreamed I’d be,

Maybe I wasn’t everything you wanted from me.

But I swear I tried… God,

I swear I tried.

I just didn’t know how to ask for help When nobody taught

me how to say,

“I don’t wanna be angry.

I don’t wanna be this way.”

I was just a kid trying to survive,

And I’m still that kid sometimes when the memories come alive.

I know I let you down,

But I’m learning that’s okay—

‘Cause I don’t have to spend my whole life Paying for yesterday.

I was just a kid… I deserved somewhere safe to fall.

And maybe I can’t change the past,

But I don’t have to live there anymore.

I’m sorry for the things I did… But I’m not sorry

for surviving them.