FINAL BOSS ♥♥♥

Hold up Run that back Health bar long as the hallway bitch

good luck You been grinding forty hours just to pull up Walk

in my room all armored and buffed up I hit one button

now your whole build fucked up You came through the gate with

your whole little party Mage in the back looking nervous already Tank

talking tough with a shield like a Chevy I sneezed one time

now the cleric need medics

Final boss baby I don't do checkpoints You brought six potions I

brought six death points Sword look legendary cool that's adorable Mine got

a name and a fucking tutorial Final boss bitch I'm professionally difficult

Armor ridiculous damage is critical You got a strategy written and printable

I changed one move now the guide is fictional

You spent all week farming gear for the raid I got bored

Tuesday and deleted your save NPC told you I'm evil and crazed

That motherfucker works here I pay him minimum wage Castle got lava

cause heating ain't cheap Skeleton guards haven't slept in three weeks Dragon

downstairs keep stealing my meat I told him quit once now he

lives in the street

You think you the chosen one that's kinda cute Prophecy printed on

bargain-bin loot Walk in dramatic with smoke on your boots I skip

your cutscene like bitch get to it Phase one easy I'm checking

your confidence Phase two ceiling starts losing its competence Phase three music

get way too orchestral Phase four surprise bitch I wasn't essential

That's my clone I'm upstairs eating Whole time you fighting I'm barely

participating Watching your health bar aggressively depreciating You dodge left twice now

you think you amazing Floor turn red better reconsider that placement Everybody

got a plan till the soundtrack change Choir start yelling and the

walls rearrange You brought holy water I brought Gatorade Been killing heroes

all day gotta stay hydrated

I got loot in my pockets you never gon see Drop rate

point-zero-zero-three Kill me once come back next week Patch notes say they

buffed me accidentally

Goddamn

Your guild leader mad cause the raid went south Keyboard broke and

the Discord went loud One dude rage quit one blaming the mouse

I'm still in the throne room eating takeout I don't chase heroes

they deliver themselves Walk through my door carrying riches and spells Then

die on the carpet and drop all they wealth At this point

adventurers basically DoorDash

You finally beat me crowd going insane Credits start rolling champagne in

your brain Screen goes black then it loads up again

NEW GAME PLUS Bitch I'm back with a second health chain