Sinister Syntax

(haha-hahaha!) Bitch I'm back in the attic,

erratic, dramatic, Cabinet rattling,

mannequin panicking, Black magic baggage attached to my jacket,

Got matches and hatchets and rats in the mattress,

The bastard upstairs doing backflips backwards,

Grandma downstairs got a gat in her basket,

Fantastic, spectacular, nasty vernacular,

Dracula passenger grabbing the spatula,

Cracking the banister, laughing mechanical,

Janitor vanished, came back looking practical,

Asked what happened, I said,

“Shit, I ain’t asking,” Then something in the hamper started snapping and

scratching, Flash from the camera,

photograph laughing, Whole damn habitat automatically panicking,

Dog in my closet got pants and a Walkman,

Talking real slick while the faucet keep coughing,

Carpet start throbbing, refrigerator plotting,

Somebody knocking, I yell,

“WHO WANT IT?” Door yelled back,

so I kicked that bitch off it,

Automatic panic, whole living room damaged,

Lamp doing gymnastics, couch speaking Spanish,

Ran through the traffic with mud on my jacket,

Skeleton passenger practicing ad-libs,

AH SHIT, fantastic,

back to the madness,

Officer pulled up like,

“Sir, what happened?” I said,

“Possibly acid, probably magic,

Possibly Patrick—” “Who the fuck Patrick?”

Exactly, that’s tragic, Glove box cracked and the bastard started clapping,

Grab him, bag him,

throw him in plastic,

Bag started laughing, shit got dramatic,

Threw it in the trunk,

trunk went volcanic, Crow flew out wearing gold-rimmed glasses,

Asked me directions to somewhere in Kansas,

Told him go left at the burning blue mattress,

He said, “That’s madness,” I said,

“That’s traffic,” Pedal get mashed and the whole car spasms,

Moon looking plastic, sky full of static,

Stars doing circles like something galactic,

Sky got a zipper,

some asshole unlatched it,

Big hand reached down and missed me by inches,

Snatched up a preacher still holding his scriptures,

He fell back down with a rabbit and matches,

Rabbit yelled, “BITCH, I HAVE HAD IT,” Landed on grandma,

she swung with a cabbage,

Cabbage exploded, confetti and maggots,

Maggots formed letters that spelled “CHECK THE ATTIC,”

Attic? Goddammit, back to the madness,

Hallway elastic, walls looking frantic,

Portrait of me started acting sarcastic,

I said, “Quit staring,” it said,

“Make me, jackass,” I grabbed at the canvas,

canvas grabbed backwards, Now me and the painting both fighting like bastards,

Table got nervous and ran through the pantry,

Pantry got jealous and swallowed the family,

Family popped out of the television laughing,

Remote on the floor started chanting in Latin,

Not even satanic, just highly problematic,

Cartoon catastrophe, filthy and manic,

Rhyme after rhyme but the pocket stay planted,

Keep that bitch rolling till nobody can stand it.

(haha... wait, who is that?)