Choose the Bear

Well look what the cat dragged

in tonight Leaning on the lamppost,

not quite right You got ketchup

on your button-down shirt Think you're

looking flash,

but it's just dirt Oh no,

your breath smells like a pack

of ciggies Your eyes are red,

you've got the wibblies And in

your pocket,

I see it gleam The wedding

ring you're hiding,

it would seem

Mate, really?

But there's a bear in those

woods I've heard the tale

I'd choose the bear before I'd

go home with you

You think your charm will make

me swoon With those frumpy trousers

in the light of the moon

You hand me your phone,

a confident grin Expecting I'll just

type my number in

I scroll right past the selfies

of your chin To wifey,

oh, now where do I begin?

I press the call and give

her a shout "Your husband's here,

come get him out"

You're welcome

But there's a bear in those

woods I've heard the tale

I'd choose the bear before I'd

go home with you