Hustle Games

Welcome to the Side Hustle Olympics!

Representing the

United States of Exhaustion—

I wake

at six and sell a chair At seven,

cut somebody’s hair At eight,

I drive a burrito

Across the county for three dollars At noon,

I flip a broken phone At one,

I design a logo At two,

I film a motivational reel About protecting work-life balance

Side Hustle Olympics Running till my heart gets sick Gold medal in

delivering Something twelve exits away Side Hustle Olympics

Every hour, another gig I’m my own boss technically

My boss is just the algorithm

I walk a dog,

I sell a course I rent my driveway

and my porch

I answer surveys, stream a game

And put advertisements on my forehead

My résumé

is seven pages Half the jobs don’t pay in wages One pays

“valuable exposure”

I can’t buy groceries with attention

And he approaches the final event:

Sleeping

four hours

without checking his phone!

Disqualified!

He checked an email!

Side Hustle Olympics Thirty jobs and still not rich They say I

lack consistency I consistently need money

The medal

is chocolate. You owe taxes on it.

(pant, pant, pant)