Scratch for Security

I checked my retirement account

It bought one lunch and half a couch

The expert said, “Just wait it out” For forty-seven thousand years

I put five dollars in a fund

It lost six dollars just for fun

My future sent a message saying “Please stop planning,

I’m not coming”

My retirement plan is winning the lottery

That or getting adopted by a dynasty I’ve diversified my financial strategy:

Red ticket, blue ticket,

scratch carefully

My retirement plan is winning the lottery I’m one lucky number from

security The odds are only one in infinity But that feels better

than the economy

They said to save ten percent

I save receipts and compliments

I’ve got a jar of foreign coins And fourteen dollars in rewards

My company will match my dreams

Up to zero, apparently

The pension left before I came It took the gold watch on

the way If I win big,

I’ll buy a room With doors that close and windows too I’ll

fix my teeth, replace my shoes And finally order guacamole

(yeah) My retirement plan

is winning the lottery

Please let the universe remember me

I don’t need yachts or royalty

Just one emergency

without bankruptcy

And tonight’s winning numbers are— Not yours.