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Entry-level opportunity
Ten years’ experience, PhD
Must speak six languages fluently
And work each weekend happily
Competitive pay: we won’t disclose The office culture has free clothes It’s
one old T-shirt with our logo You pay for parking down below
I uploaded my résumé Then typed the whole thing in again (why?
why?)
Congratulations, you’re underqualified We loved your work,
but something wasn’t right We found a twelve-year-old with better drive Who’ll
work for snacks and gratitude online Congratulations,
you’re underqualified Please follow us on LinkedIn for advice We’ll keep your
application till you die Then sell your data to another site
Round one asked me who I am
Round two required a business plan
Round three, I met the office plant
Round four was just the plant again They gave me homework for
the role A forty-page strategic goal I did the job before the
job Then watched them post the job once more (unbelievable)
My greatest weakness? Paying rent
My greatest strength? I haven’t quit
Where do I see myself in five?
Hopefully insured and still alive
Congratulations, you’re underqualified We hired the CEO’s roommate’s child But please don’t
take the outcome personally
Our family is our company
Position canceled due to budget changes.
CEO bonus approved. (hahaha)