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Today’s nervous breakdown is brought to you by
Anxiety™.
Anxiety™: because something is probably wrong.
Did you leave the oven burning?
Did your boss just stop returning
Every email you’ve been sending?
Is your friendship slowly ending?
Did you wave at someone strange?
They’ll remember that for days
Did your heart just beat too fast?
Congratulations, breathe your last
Sponsored by Anxiety™
Making small things emergencies Available in three varieties: Social,
financial, everything
Sponsored by Anxiety™
No prescription necessary
Side effects include believing Everyone secretly hates you
Try our new deluxe edition Now with sleep deprivation
Every harmless interaction Gets a twelve-hour reenactment Was that headache something fatal?
Ask the internet—it’s able
One quick search and now you’re dying From a disease found only
flying
Do not take Anxiety™ if you are currently enjoying yourself.
Anxiety™ may cause sweating,
spiraling, pacing and texting “Are we good?”
Are we good?
(Are we good?) Are we good?
You typed “okay” without an exclamation point!
Sponsored by Anxiety™
Turning brunch into catastrophe Ask your doctor whether peace of mind Is
financially right for you
Anxiety™.
Now available inside your chest.