Eggshells and Ashes

{subtle vinyl crackle, warm Rhodes piano chords,

slow swing hop rhythm} {spoken,

introspective delivery} Yeah, let it out,

let it go... You see that reminds me senior year Everything moved

so fast, couldn't catch up Couldn't laugh with my peers

Survived a whole year,

let it out in the summer And a little in the fall

Now really something triggers but I cry a bit Then I'm dry

{lazy conversational rap flow} Everybody just having fun

Looked more depressed than the athletic that got her back injured

She had to give up on her dream,

graduate after three years

I never had a thing to lose this whole time But I

looked like the biggest loser (hah)

{smooth bass line enters} Some handled me like a bottle

Some let me roll away

Filled me up with hopeful messages

And off I float the circuit so quick

Unmoored {sweet melodic background vocal swells} Not fully immersed in it

Waited for an appropriate moment to be depressed Throughout it I wasn't

there, I escaped it I swear if you only handed me a

cigarette

I'd have a black lung by now

I thought of everyone addicted Cursed schools and not sure what system

{steady head-nodding beat} I knew I wouldn't say things I said in

my head

I was convinced I'm a monster

Took it out on my dad in my head Took it out

on my aunt real time

Made her feel real bad Now I'm scared she'd die

How am I gonna meet her kids

I can feel em cuz I know

I'd kill the guy that made my mom cry,

too

{subdued instrumentation,

drums drop to

light click} {slow, drifting half-time beat} Now its a rap in my

head by that time r u dead yet

If only I be dead first then you would feel sad

Mom would go crazy

So god forbid

But I'll get the luxury how much sin I'll wear

Its a matter of time I tried to make it up to

you

But I'm on eggshells I'm in hell never cared less about heaven

You'll be there you raised em well Survivor's guilt (yeah)

{hazy atmospheric guitar swells} {drums fade out,

solo warm Rhodes chords and quiet vinyl static} {soft humming} (hummmmm)

Survivor's guilt...