When the Fire Dies

I remember when one touch could light this whole room.

Now I lie beside

my husband and still feel alone.

I waited for the fire to come back… but maybe some flames

don’t return.

For over a year I’ve been asking,

Baby, touch me, hold me close.

Kiss me like you still remember

the woman you once wanted most.

I reach for you,

you pull away, then tell me why it’s all my fault.

You say I’m never home,

always on the go,

too busy to give you my heart.

But when I slow down and come near,

you still don’t reach for me.

Is it really my schedule,

or is it what I finally see?

You notice every little thing I didn’t get around to.

But all the things I do for us never seem to make

it through. I can’t remember the last time you looked at me

and smiled, said, “Baby,

you look beautiful,” or made me feel desired.

The fire went cold,

and I’ve been burning alone.

Begging for affection inside my own home.

I still love you,

God knows I still do.

But

I can’t keep reaching for a man who won’t reach back for

me too.

No more crying. No more begging.

No more asking you to see the woman standing beside you.

No more… I gotta choose me.

I come to bed hoping maybe tonight you’ll pull me close again.

You say, “Scratch my back,” then remind me,

“Stay on your side of the bed.”

How can a marriage feel this lonely with two?

How can I be close enough to touch,

but still so far from you?

I begged you to touch me.

I begged you to hold me.

I begged you to love me like you used to know me.

Every rejection burned deeper inside.

I kept trying to save us while something in me died.

Maybe the hardest goodbye isn’t walking out the door.

Maybe it’s accepting you can’t beg for love anymore.

I wanted my husband.

I wanted my friend.

I wanted the fire we once had again.

But I can’t keep setting myself on fire to keep a cold

love

warm. The fire went cold,

and I’m done burning alone.

I deserve to feel wanted,

even inside my own home.

I still love you,

but now I love me too.

I can’t keep losing pieces of myself trying to get love from

you. No more crying!

No more begging! No more waiting desperately for you to finally see

my worth when I can see it in me.

No more. No more.

I gotta choose me.

I didn’t stop loving you.

I stopped begging you to love me back.

The fire went cold… and this time,

I’m not burning with it.

No more tears.

No more begging.

I gotta choose me.