The Coat You Left

The

hallway light is on again I

don't remember leaving it that way

I made enough for two this morning then I stood there with

the spoon the coffee cooled before I touched it I've been doing

that since June Your coat is still behind the door I move

around it like a wall I told myself I'd take it somewhere

I haven't taken it at all

I'm not waiting, I'm just slow I'm not lonely,

I just don't know

what to do with all this quiet it fills the rooms,

it finds the cracks

I'm not broken, I'm not better

I'm just here

and that's that

I walked the long way home on Tuesday past the bar we

used to close I saw a couple argue outside over something no

one knows

There's a comfort in that anger at least their hands were reaching

out

I kept walking, kept my headphones turned up loud enough to drown

the doubt

I'm not waiting, I'm just slow I'm not lonely,

I just don't know what to do with all this quiet it

fills the rooms, it finds the cracks

I'm not broken, I'm not better

I'm just here

and that's that

My mother called and asked if I was seeing anyone I said

no, she said oh we moved on

Some nights I think I hear you

put your key into the lock some nights I set the table

right and catch myself and stop

Not because I'm going under not because the grief is new just

because the body remembers what the mind is working through

I'm not waiting anymore but I don't rush

out

the door

there's a life inside this quiet if I sit with it enough

I'm not broken, I'm

just learning

that alone is not the same as unloved The hallway light is

on again I think I'll leave it for a while