Scars That Stay

Every time you say you love me,

I prepare for goodbye,

’Cause everybody that was close to me just left me behind.

I learned love comes with conditions and pain,

So now I overthink every text and every change.

You say you’re different,

but they all did too,

Now I’m fighting old ghosts every time I look at you.

You see walls, I see survival,

Built ‘em so high just to make it through the cycle.

I hate that I question every little thing,

Even when your heart’s right in front of me.

You touch my hand and I still pull away,

Like somehow love always turns into pain.

How do I trust when trust

got weaponized? How do I love without

waiting for lies? I want you close,

but my scars say run,

‘Cause everybody I loved eventually became someone That hurt me…

Betrayed me…

Left me wondering

what was wrong with me.

You ever feel guilty for needing reassurance?

Like deep down you know your trauma’s still controlling you?

I do. Every fight feels like the end,

Every silence feels like abandonment again.

So I apologize for things you never said,

Create storms in my mind while laying in bed.

And I know it ain’t fair to bleed on someone new,

But I’m still trying to heal from what I went through.

I wasn’t taught

what healthy love looked like,

Only screaming through walls and endless nights.

So when things get peaceful,

I panic instead, ’Cause chaos feels normal inside my head.

But part of me still wants to believe,

Maybe real love doesn’t leave.

Maybe somebody can stay…

Even after seeing all the broken parts of me.

So I’m learning trust one breath at a time,

Trying not to turn fear

into a crime. And maybe love ain’t something I gotta survive,

Maybe someday I’ll believe I deserve it in my life.

Still

healing…

Still scared…

Still learning how to be cared for

Without waiting to be destroyed.