The Shape They Wanted

I learned to keep my head down,

Learned to say the things they liked,

Tried to color in the picture They had drawn before my life.

Straight lines, clean answers,

Never question, never stray,

But somewhere underneath it all I started fading away.

And I keep hearing,

“You're dramatic,” Like my feelings aren't real,

But nobody can tell me

How I'm supposed to feel.

I'm not the shape they wanted,

I'm not the person they designed,

I'm still trying to find my voice

Underneath all their lines.

If being me is something That I'm supposed to apologize for,

Then why does hiding who I am

Hurt so much more?

I'm not the shape they wanted—

I'm just trying to be alive As the person I've been searching

for My whole life.

There's a classroom full of silence,

And a moment I can't erase,

An adult crossed a boundary And I froze there in that place.

I said, “I'm uncomfortable,” I thought somebody would hear,

Instead they told me I was making Something bigger out of fear.

So I went home with a heavy heart,

Thinking maybe I'm to blame,

When all I really wanted Was somebody to say my name.

Maybe someday I'll say it Without shaking in my hands,

Maybe someday being honest Won't feel like making demands.

I like who I like,

And I am who I am,

And maybe I don't need permission

To finally understand—

I'm not the shape they wanted...

But maybe that's okay.

Maybe I don't

have to disappear

Just to make them

stay.

I'm not the shape they wanted,

I'm becoming something new,

And after all the nights I spent Wondering what I'm supposed to

do,

I'll keep my voice,

I'll keep my heart,

I'll keep the pieces of my past.

They don't get to define me,

And they don't get to make me hide.

I'm not the shape they wanted—

I'm finally learning to be mine.

Maybe I was never broken.

Maybe I was never wrong.

Maybe I've been becoming

Who I've been all

along.