Love Me or Leave Me

I want you close.

I want you gone.

I want to forget you

with your name still on my tongue.

You touch me—

I remember why I stayed.

You leave—

I remember every reason I should've walked away.

That's the problem. My heart keeps rewriting what my head already knows.

One half says, “Open the door.” The other says,

“Don't you fucking move.”

Love pulls left. Pride pulls right.

Hope says stay.

Fear says run tonight.

Every time I think I've finally made my choice— you look at

me

and every emotion gets a voice.

Love me. Leave me.

Make me hate how much I need this.

Hold me. Break me.

Give me one good reason not to believe this.

I can want you and resent you in the same damn breath.

I can miss you while I'm standing one decision from the death

of what we were.

That's the war.

Here's what I never say: Sometimes I don't know if I love

you— or if I love

who I became when you wanted me.

Sometimes I miss your hands.

Sometimes I miss having somewhere to put the blame.

Sometimes forgiveness feels holy.

Sometimes forgiveness feels like losing.

Sometimes walking away looks exactly like strength until you're alone with the

choosing.

Desire says touch her.

Pride says don't. Hope says maybe.

Memory says you won't.

Anger wants blood. Grief wants time.

My heart keeps changing sides.

Love me.

Leave me.

Pull the truth out through my teeth.

Want me.

Free me. Make me choose which part of me I keep.

I can forgive you and still remember.

I can need you

and still say never.

I can love you

with everything in me— and still know love is not enough.

“I miss you.” “I hate you.” “Come

back.” “Stay gone.” “I forgive you.” “No I don't.” “See

what you do to me?”

Love me. Leave me.

Either

way, don't lie to me.

If it's over, kill it clean.

If it's real, then fight for me.

I am tired of being two people every time you walk into

the room. One wants forever.

One wants the door.

Both of them still want you.

I don't need peace tonight.

I need the truth to pick a side.